Renaissance
by doujinshininjah
Summary: The story of a knight, and how far he will go to save everything he built. T for now, no lemon. Religion sensitive. (It's mostly Catholic stuff)


While the life of a knight was not as glamorous as women or children made it seem, the life of a knight was action-filled and exciting. Exciting indeed, but not always in the best of ways. Gilbert had joined the Teutonic knights when he'd barely become a man, at the age of fifteen, and ever since, he couldn't remember his homeland. He couldn't remember the smell of fresh bread, of flowers as they bloomed in spring, of a clear rain on a sunny day. His senses had become dull in such places as this. Such places as off the battlefield, that is. People mulled about this marketplace, the produce looking almost as black and white as the clouds overhead that threatened to rain on this moment of peace.

He stepped up to the cathedral, his ruby-red eyes scanning the outside for a glimmer of hope, but the symbol of what used to be his fire inside brought him only the warmth of a dying ember. He entered the church, no rays of light trying to filter through the glass windows above and a thick, freezing draft assaulting his face and making his eyes sting. He sat on a bench, setting his sword beside him before stripping his numb hands of his thick leather gloves. He tossed them over the blade of the aforementioned sword and looked up at the altar before him. Three years ago, he'd taken his pledge. Three years ago was when he was taught that life wasn't a game, there was nothing beautiful about it. It was war and blood, hatred and lies. Life was a bleak place, a playground for higher beings.

It had been three years ago that he'd taken an oath never to touch another human being as long as he lived. He couldn't help but wonder about it. He'd never kissed another person, never touched their skin, never woke up to a warm embrace or felt the beating of his own heart because of another beating for his. There was something in the back of his mind that told him this existence wasn't worth it. The bishop walked by him, sitting down, and glancing at the scars on his hands, a small smile coming to his face. It was clear to him that Gilbert was a time-worn warrior of god, a man that had fought well for his place and would continue to fight until his place was assured to him.

"You've fought well, my son." Gilbert sighed.

"I live only to serve, your eminence." The bishop looked at the altar as well.

"But you find your heart and your mind in two different places." Gilbert, keeping his hood over his silvery hair, adjusted his clothing.

"This existence... it seems so... solitary. In this life, I find no pleasure in anything anymore. There's no happiness. I find satisfaction in my pledge, but no happiness." The bishop nodded.

"Many knights feel this way. God is a man of chastity, of unyielding will, but he knows his children are not. He knows that they will fall from grace in time, and he will forgive. Though I not condone your sinning, I will offer this. In the book of John, it says: _'If we confess our sins,he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness'_. Sins are always forgiven, no matter how bad." The bishop rose and Gilbert watched him walk away to attend to the others vying for his attention and holy word. If only that bishop had known how deeply Gilbert would sin. In the Catholic religion, it is said that _'If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; They shall surely be put to death; Their blood is upon them.'_. Gilbert, while a man of impeccable physique, of handsome face and high intelligence, did not find women very attractive. They too, had mostly come under the link and chain of a pledge. Of that which binds them to their religion. Chastity. They caused too much fuss, did not see that he was in need of love and heart, not just of lust and sex.

At this moment, he would have given anything to see an angel. To see that someone, somewhere, ethereal plane or not, related and knew how his situation would be figured out. He glanced at the marble floor, at his muddied boots and the shine of his reflection before looking back up at the walls. They seemed to close in on him, sealing him off from the world and keeping him prisoner within his own body. With a last sigh of self-inflicted grief for himself, he prayed to the altar for forgiveness before rising and re-strapping his sword onto his side. It seemed this church and this bishop with his gentle words were to bring him no comfort today. His gloves, covered in dirt and the blood of many an enemy, were shoved into his pocket. He paid no mind to them, to the clacking of his boots against the floor, to the looks he received from the women and men. He detested all of them. For the angels above had turned their backs, and so would he.

Outside, his mentor and personal guardian, Fredrick II waited for him to return. He followed Gilbert's steps as he traveled off in a direction where nothing was, and nothing ever would be. They walked together for a moment until they came to a river where Gilbert felt as if the water called him into its depths, mocking him and pressuring him to drown himself in the darkness of the water. Fredrick shook his head at his young friend. The boy had always been a capable, reliable, resourceful person, and was always there in times of need. It was his turn to help Gilbert.

"You spoke to the bishop?" Gilbert looked away, off to his side at a butterfly who must have been having trouble with a certain flower.

"I did. His words, as per usual, did nothing to bring me peace. How long must I suffer this? How long until the beer has flavor, the sun has warmth? How long until the world understands that I am not who I once was?" Fredrick shook his head. He knew of Gilbert and of his secret sin. It was a great burden, trying to keep such a secret to himself and Fredrick had been so kind to keep it.

"Someday, the world will understand. It is just not this day." Gilbert took a deep breath.

"And even for this sin, I have no love to show. No secret lover, no man to which I sacrifice my chastity for. I am not going to keep myself like this. I will not sit idly by while the other men spoil their chastity for the pleasures of simple women that will not remember their names the next day. I want someone who will stay with me, who will run away from this life with me. I want the love of the angels." Fredrick crossed his arms, turning away from the water's edge.

"Your allegiance is in question, and though you know my objection to this you seek," He placed a knowing hand on Gilbert's shoulder, patting it with sentiment, "I wish you that love. I wish your happiness old friend." The old man walked away, leaving Gilbert and his thoughts by that water with a small flame of hope burning dully in his chest. When he decided he needed to enjoy what he could from this city, he turned away from the river with the heavy thoughts of suicide still hanging on his mind. Returning to the town, he bought himself a small block of cheese and a loaf of dry bread. It would be something different than that of the nothing he ate while on the battlefield.

He found a place to stay at a nearby inn, the people staring at him as he kept his filthy hood over his head. As an albino, people didn't like the look of him. He was strange to the eye and most kept away from him. They whispered amongst themselves about him being a servant of the devil in disguise. A wolf in sheep's clothing. The trek to his room was less than eventful, as he avoided the mocking glares from the two whores that passed him in the hallway. His room had been well paid for, as he had nothing else to spend his vast wealth on, and he found a hot bath awaiting him. He closed the doors to the balcony and let the curtains down, only a faint sunlight filtering through them. The breeze halted and he stripped himself of his armor, tossing it on the dusty bed. It was only now that he was aware nobody else had used this room in a very long time.

He climbed in his bath, his fingers fiddling with the family crest hanging around his neck. It was the last piece of his family he had, the only thing that had stayed with him through the terror and blood of his holy war. His eyes closed and he sighed. Fredrick had been right, his love would come to him someday, it was just not this one. He heard the door to his room open and his eyes flew open and his head jerked up.

"H-Hello?" He raised an eyebrow. What kind of voice was that? It was feminine, he was sure of it.

"What are you doing in here?" The voice gasped.

"I-I'm sorry! T-The innkeeper sent me for your laundry!" Gilbert let his head relax back.

"I see. It's on the bed, make sure it gets back to me." There was a noise of agreement and Gilbert kept his eyes trained on the bed (which he could see from his place in the tub). What he saw amazed him, not only mentally, but physically. It was a boy, about fifteen or sixteen, in what appeared to be a tavern maid's dress. What type of man would want to be seen in such garments? Surely not the religious type, that's for certain. He sat up and watched the boy gather the dirty white clothes into his arms and it was not a second afterward until they met eyes.

Both were stunned for a moment to be caught staring at another man, and the boy blushed slightly before looking away. Gilbert, ever the stoic one, tried to keep his face from twitching in surprise. He was stunned, amazed, smitten with the color of those most gorgeous eyes that had ever so subtly attracted his. It was blue as the sky, but violet as spring flowers at the same time. It fascinated him as the golden color of his hair and the shape of his body did.

"I-I... Sorry." He stood up straight and as he moved to exit the room, Gilbert called out to him.

"Wait! Who are y-" The door closed. Damn it. He grunted under his breath and looked back toward the balcony window. That couldn't have gone worse in his favor. Those eyes now haunted his thoughts, and as he closed his own, they remained in his mind. Their glimmering beauty taking hold of his curiosity. His bath finished sooner than he expected, as his hyperactive thoughts wouldn't let the water bring him the calm he wished. He climbed out of the now cold water and took the towel hanging off the rack to his right and tied it tight about his waist, so it was not to fall off, and he sat on the bed awaiting his clothing. There was no way he was sleeping naked in a tavern full of people whispering about him being the devil.

The night had come swiftly, silently, and the moon now showered it's haunting rays through the curtains and onto the dark wood floor. He stepped out to the balcony, finding the streets abandoned by the bustling hoards of people it had been labored with only hours ago. It was a peaceful sight, the moon and the stars staring down at him with a loving glow as if they meant to say that they favored his company. If only he could join them up in the sky where the vast emptiness he felt could no longer reach the caverns of his heart...

Before his thoughts could take him away to his dreamland, he heard the door open again and he turned to find the blonde from earlier staring at him before tearing his gaze away and setting his clothes neatly on the dresser off to the side and lighting the few candles hidden about the room. "Who are you?" Gilbert awaited an answer, and the blonde turned away from him.

"Nobody." Gilbert grunted in dismay. He would have this moment.

"You must have a name." The albino only received a shake of the head in return.

"I was told not to talk to you." The knight folded his arms.

"Do you always do what you're told?" That would mean Gilbert would get nowhere with him, if the answer was yes.

"For the most part." He turned and headed for the door, and Gilbert stepped in his way, barring the passage out.

"Who are you? I must know." The other looked down at the floor.

"Nobody. An unfitting choice for the company of a knight." Gilbert raised an eyebrow.

"Why would you be unfitting? You're much as normal as anyone else in this place." There was a stiff silence before the blonde stepped away from him with a shaky breath.

"I'm a sinner, dear knight, and I must attend to the others. Please, allow me to do my job."

"What makes you a sinner? I, as a servant of the lord, may be able to absolve you." He received a grunt.

"Please, let me by! I would not be able to find another job if I lose this one!" Gilbert shook his head.

"You tell me what makes you a sinner, and I'll let you go."

"Non. I am not supposed to speak to you, let alone tell you anything so personal."

"So it's personal then? What did you do?"

"Nothing of your concern!"

"Please?" The other let out a disgruntled sigh.

"I prefer the company of another male, oh servant of the chaste lord. Now, leave me be!" Gilbert blinked.

"Nein... Nein, nein. You're lying?"

"No, I'm not!" Gilbert resisted the urge to smile.

"Oh dear enchanting mistress of the night, you've found me in my time of need..." The other found his eyes widened at this exclamation.

"Excuse moi?" Gilbert got down on one knee.

"I, like you, have found myself a sinner for the same reason!"

"But you... you're a knight! You're supposed to..." Gilbert stood, his eyes screaming of his loneliness. "I've never known anyone else that..." His breath grew soft as he inched closer to Gilbert's face with his hand. The air seemed to push them closer, the blonde's lips trembling at the warmth of another like himself so close and so handsome right before his very own eyes...

The innkeeper screamed and the blonde jolted back, taking a deep and very embarrassed breath.

"I... I'm sorry. I must leave." He pushed his way past Gilbert and the albino caught the sleeve of his dress.

"Wait! What is your name? I must know." The blonde shied away for a moment.

"It's Matthew." He slipped out of Gilbert's grasp once again and scurried away down the hall and Gilbert stood for a moment, his anger growing at the comments thrown at his new interest. These people were cruel, harassing and hazing the poor boy because of his preferred company. Gilbert closed the door, finding a few loose garments to wear to bed before lying down and closing his eyes. He welcomed sleep, and he welcomed a sweet dream of finding love in Matthew's dainty hands.

However, he did not dream of Matthew. He dreamed of fire, of war, of the bloodshed of his comrades. Amidst the torture and pure horror of battle, an angel came to him and guided him away to a place where he saw ships. Great, hulking ships armed with swords plenty and huge warriors holding shields bearing the holy Teutonic Cross. A light secreted from a building behind these guards, calling his name toward it's divine purpose. Then, light. Just a bright, radiant light, and Matthew's eyes finally mad an appearance.

He jolted upright, his breathing quick and uneven, and he leaned forward to place his elbows on his knees. That had been a dream to remember, for sure, and he took a quick heavy breath to calm his body. What did such a dream mean? What was he to think about an angel guiding him through an unknown land and Matthew's jeweled eyes staring at him... like that...

"A-Are you okay?" He heard a voice and he looked to the doorway where Matthew was peaking in.

"Fine... What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night." He shrunk back away from the door a little.

"I... I was cleaning down the hallway and I heard you call my name. I thought I should see if you were okay but you were asleep still so I was going to leave." Gilbert gestured for him to come in.

"Close the door behind you." Matthew nodded and entered the room, closing the door quietly behind him. "I just had a strange dream was all. I'm fine." Matthew nodded again.

"I had hoped you were okay. You seemed pretty distressed... If I may... your dream...?"

"I'm sure it was nothing. Why are you up cleaning at such an hour? You should be sleeping." The blonde shook his head with a sigh.

"No, I was told to clean the extra rooms and the floors. I don't get more than three hours of sleep a night. It's... the innkeeper says it's my punishment."

"Because of-?"

"Oui." Gilbert sighed.

"It's wrong of them to treat you like that, and I understand." Matthew smiled a little.

"It's impossible for you to prefer men... you're so handsome. You must have women bowing at your feet trying to have your children." Gilbert snorted, gesturing for him to sit on the bed's edge. Matthew walked closer and sat down, his wavy hair hiding his face from the bright moonlight.

"Women occasionally give me a second glance, but normally people detest the way I look. I'm a freak of nature to everyone." He looked Matthew in the eye. "Everyone except you, of course."

"I... I know we're not really supposed to talk to one another... but I... I've never met another man like myself..."

"Neither have I. I've lived with myself only for as long as I can remember. It's a relief to find someone else like me." They took a moment to stare at one another. "I think you're beautiful, by the way." Matthew gasped softly, turning away. "What's wrong?"

"I... I'm not really sure... I-If..."

"If what?" Matthew stroked his arm, the cold of the night causing him to get goosebumps.

"The last man I thought was like me... he told the townspeople..." Gilbert blinked.

"So that's why they... I get it now." He reached out, his warm hand drawing a line down Matthew's arm to grasp his hand. "Well, you have my word as a knight that I'll tell absolutely nobody." Matthew took his hand back. It was apparent that Gilbert would have to win his trust if he really wanted it.

"I'm not sure if I trust you..."

"I understand. After something like that, I kind of expected you to be hesitant. But really... I think you're beautiful. Your eyes are what I see when I close my own. It's distracting, really." Matthew giggled behind his lips. "And I feel for you. I heard your voice, I saw your face... you're my dream now. I don't know how I'll be able to leave your presence."

"Leave...? Oh, that's right... you're leaving for the war soon..." Matthew sighed.

"Before I leave, in three days' time, I plan on making you my one. You're the one I will finally sin for." Matthew looked amazed.

"Y-You'd give your knighthood for me?" Gilbert nodded.

"Yes." Matthew stood.

"I wouldn't allow it. Your knighthood is probably all you have, I don't want to take that away from you." He walked to the door and opened it, standing there for a moment before turning around to find Gilbert no more than an inch from his face and the albino closed the door softly. Matthew gasped sharply and Gilbert pinned him against the door.

"When you're alone for this long, all you see when you close your eyes is blood. Now, when I close my eyes, I see yours. I see your beautiful golden hair..." He brought a hand up to sweep it gently away from Matthew's face. "How it curls right toward those eyes that look through my spirit, and toward those lips which I feel beckon me even through such places as a dream..." Matthew's eyes changed, their scared wide-open appearance slowly seeping into a dreamy expression. Gilbert's words had touched his heart finally. "And suddenly, I wonder, what wonder lies beyond the eyes to which I cannot look away?" Matthew sighed, his breath hot and he tried to look away.

"Lies. Your words are pretty but they come from the tongue of a snake." Gilbert turned Matthew's head to look at him.

"I'd not waste such words on anyone, Matthew. I'd sing millions of pretty words if only you'd believe me..."

"We can't. What if someone finds out?" Gilbert shook his head.

"Then you and I will run. We'll find somewhere they'll never find us and I'll be everything you need. I'll do everything I can to keep you." Matthew, though hesitantly, let his hand grace the skin on Gilbert's chest. His eyes blinked quickly before he nodded.

"You... You have me. And when you leave, I'll let you decide if you want me still." Gilbert smiled and held his forehead against that of Matthew's before kneeling on one knee and pressing his lips to where Matthew's stomach lay beneath the thin material of his dress.

"From this moment on, I am first your lover. My hand, my heart, and my soul are yours. You'll have my sword at your defense, my arms for your comfort, and my kiss for your pleasure." He stood and pulled Matthew into his arms. "The only thing I expect in return is your love." Matthew sunk into his hold, sighing happily at the warmth it brought him.

"And it is my love you will have." Gilbert slowly let him go.

"Are you... done with your cleaning for the night?" Matthew nodded.

"Oui, I was going to go down to the kitchen to help the cook." Gilbert shook his head.

"Nein, now you're going to sleep with me. If they ask where you've been, just tell them you were repenting for your sins." Gilbert laughed. "Kesesese, I would find it more than amusing." Matthew drew the lock on the door, making sure they would not be discovered before letting himself be led away from it and toward the bed. They stopped short and Gilbert gestured for him to get in first, and then the albino followed close behind before getting back up to blow out the candle. He hurried back to the blankets where Matthew stared blankly at him from behind his glasses. "Are you... not accustomed to sleeping with another body?" Matthew shook his head.

"I've never slept with anyone." Gilbert reached out to gently grab his arm and pull him close.

"There's nothing to be afraid of. I won't hurt you, and I'd never take advantage of you, so there's no reason not to trust me. You have my word as a knight." Matthew relaxed into his hold and Gilbert coddled him, the feeling of warmth finally heating up his chest and he smiled a little bit, Matthew unaware of his inner happiness. The blonde took a deep breath and traced mindless abstract patterns on Gilbert's chest.

"You're so warm... it makes me sleepy."

"Good. Let yourself fall into it, and while you dream I will hold you. You and I will be protected under God as lovers." He pressed a kiss to Matthew's head. "And there is nothing that will tear us apart."


End file.
